Kick em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down

Things that suck about an internal promotion:

1) People assume you know everything.

In a role like mine, the responsibilities are so varied and intense that there's no way a person who's been shadowing his predecessor for two months could possibly have absorbed it all by now. Like they love to say on MTV, "You think you know, but you have no idea." This is especially an issue when you're replacing someone with exceptional experience doing that particular job. Two month, twenty years...something was probably lost in the translation.

2) People assume you know nothing.

In the last two days I've gotten so many e-mails from people telling me things I didn't say because I didn't think I needed to say them. Yes, I know that my group's process is different than your group's process, but they're related, so a rule or improvement that applies to us also applies to you. If it didn't? I wouldn't have forwarded it to you.

3) People who should know better tell you to do something, which is ultimately the incorrect thing to do.

The result, of course, is that I look like I don't know what I'm doing, which encourages people to assume list item #2.

...and of course...

4) People tell you it won't be easy to fill the shoes of the person you're replacing.

Cause I hadn't already had several panic attacks about just that. Thanks for the encouragement.


Of course, I'm not upset about any of these things, however frustrating. My new position is fun and exciting, and it suits me perfectly. Overall, I consider these things a small price to pay for world domination.

Everybody's got something to hide

My friend and I were discussing interview attire today and she passed along a list of guidelines that must have been written in 1964. For example, "Women with longer hair should wear it back so it doesn't become a distraction." A distraction? I'm sorry, if my hair distracts you, perhaps I can interest you in some Ritalin.

Also up for debate: should women wear skirt suits or pant suits to an interview? Oddly enough, the response is overwhelmingly in favor of skirts, and that seems antiquated to me. The skirt suit mandate just reaks of "Don't be afraid to let them see your feminine side!" These rules must've been written by the same women who, in the 80s, advocated pastel pink suits, the boardroom bow, and shoulderpads.

Internal to our company, I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter what you wear. Our last new team member interviewed in a ratty pair of jeans and a sweater from Bill Cosby's Goodwill pile. She was not only poorly dressed but also completely incompetant, and they still hired her! So I encouraged my friend to go in with confidence - and hot pink platform shoes.

Is there anybody in there?

I just called my homebuilder's home office to check up on a warranty issue. The automated system told me to dial '1' if I wanted the mailing address, or '0' for an operator.

I chose zero, and was forwarded to the operator's voice mailbox. What? Why does an operator need a voice mailbox? Shouldn't she be, like...there?