Following is an encounter I recently had at a bar. The funniest part of this is that I've taken absolutely NO creative license with this one; i.e., my recounting of the conversation below is entirely verbatim.
About to head to the next bar, my friends Rita and Desi go to the restroom and Pat goes to close his tab. Standing alone by the bar, I text my roommate to see what she's up to. I'm wearing a black tank top, cropped jeans, and knee-high black boots.
Dude: Are you a pirate?
Me: Excuse me?
Dude: You're dressed like a pirate.
Me: (mildly annoyed) Um, okay.
Dude: Haven't you ever seen that movie, Pirates of the Carribean?
Me: No.
Dude: You're lying.
Me: Nope, haven't seen it.
Dude: (grabbing my hand and swinging it about) Look, I'm just trying to be friendly.
Me: Hey, I'm waiting for my boyfriend...
Dude: How many times have we made eye contact tonight?
Me: What?
Dude: I've seen the way you look at me.
Me: I don't think I've seen you before.
Dude: (getting angry) Honey, I know everyone in this bar, I can get you thrown out of here.
Me: Huh?
Dude: You know, you're not as hot as you think you are.
Me: Um, I don't think I'm hot.
Dude: Oh, whatever.
Me: Sorry, but I don't.
Dude: Hey sweetheart, if that's your thing. (walking away and shouting) Let me know how being a bitch works out for you, okay?
Clearly the most puzzling conversation I've had at a bar. Well, the one on St. Paddy's Day was pretty offensive, but I'll save that one for a rainy day. Guys, if you're looking to pick up a girl at a bar, an insult is probably not your best bet. If you do choose to forgo the standard approach of "being nice", you probably shouldn't be surprised if she doesn't want to talk to you.
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1 comment:
Ha! We are all pirates in one way or another. Most people who have any smarts at all will have figured that out already.
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