First there were the lovable Zappa kids - Dweezil, Moon Unit, Diva. Then came Pilot Inspektor. Gwenyth named her first-born Apple, and then all hell broke loose. Now it's like a competition to see who can give their child the most "original" name, and thereby the greatest amount of emotional baggage.
Of course this phenomenon isn't entirely new; it used to just be called indecision. The late Michael Hutchence, frontman for INXS, thought 2 names simply wasn't enough, so he left his daughter the legacy of "Heavenly Hirani Tigerlilly Hutchence." And you know her little hand must get pretty tired filling out those scan-trons on standardized tests. Of course maybe the blame for this lies with her mother, Paula Yates; Paula's other daughter, fathered by singer Bob Geldof, is named - are you ready for this? - Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof.
Yeah.
After the indulgence of the 80s and 90s, celebrities got lazy and just started picking random, inanimate objects as names. Chef Jamie Oliver has two daughters: "Poppy Honey" and "Daisy Boo." Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell just announced the birth of her newborn "Bluebell Madonna." Bluebell Halliwell? You're kidding, right? Today, intellectual giant Anna Nicole Smith announced plans to name her new daughter "Cherrie Pie." Go ahead and insert your own joke here, because there are simply too many to pick just one.
Enough, people, this has to stop! It's not bad enough that most of them were born to C-list celebrities, now these kids' parents are just stepping up and doing the work for their future bullies. The upshot of this is, of course, that they can all go through group therapy together.
Just watch, in twenty years or so, they'll begin marrying one another and naming their offspring "innovative" names like Chris, Sarah, and Paul. Don't say I didn't warn you.
4 comments:
I am glad you are posting again. It let's me know you are alive which let's me know I still have a haven of fun in which to reside when I go to Dallas/lose my job again.
doc random: Don't even get me started about random spellings. When I danced for that sports team here, I always just asked every little kid to spell their name for me, just to be on the safe side. It would shock you to know how many Thommys and Skailers there are out there.
tom, if that's the case, then expect my next twenty-six postings to be dedicated to letters of the alphabet.
Kidding, you know I always strive to entertain the masses. :)
How in the world do you just happen to know all of the crazy names that all of these celebs have given their kids. Your either obsessed, or put in a whole lot of research into this post. I'll go ahead and assume that it was research. :)
Paul: I am just that dedicated to providing accurate, entertaining posts for my readers.
That, and I was really bored at work that day.
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