I hear the secrets that you keep

The other day I was a witness to one of the most terrifying moments in a parent's life.

I was on travel in L.A., and had gone to a skewer restaurant in Manhattan Beach. The restaurant was set up like a small sushi joint, with maybe 4 tables and a bar. Not wanting to take up a whole table on a busy night, I seated myself at the bar and placed my order.

Moments later a middle-aged man walked in with his seven- or eight-year-old son. Following is a transcript of that conversation:

Dad: How's your skull?
Kid: Fine.
Dad: You know, you've really got to cut out the acrobatic stuff, you're going to hurt yourself. Plus you could wind up in the circus. Do you want to wind up in the circus?
Kid: (pouting) Yes.
Dad: No you don't, that makes me sad.
Kid: Good.
Dad: Now that's mean, why would you say that?
Kid: Because you're bad.
Dad: (laughing) Why am I bad? Did I do something wrong?
Kid: I can't tell you.
Dad: C'mon, you can tell me. What did I do?
Kid: I can't tell you, because it's inappropriate.

Now here's when I began to try very hard to NOT listen to them. I attempted to immerse myself in the hockey game on TV behind the bar, but that cut to commercial, so I had little choice.

Dad: Tell me, you have to tell me now.
Kid: (pausing...) Okay, well...the other day I wanted to watch cartoons, and so I came into your room, and I saw you...on TOP of MOM.
Dad: I was on top of her? What do you mean?
Kid: (laughing) Yes you were on TOP of MOM. And I told my friends about it and they laughed.
Dad: (laughing) We were wrestling. Why would you come into our room without permission?
Kid: (shouting) I wanted to watch cartoons! And YOU WERE ON TOP OF MOM!
Dad: Well yeah, we were wrestling...and I was on top of her because...I was winning.

It was at this point that the cook behind the counter tried to hand me my food, and I was trying to valiently not to CRACK UP that I clipped the straw in my glass with the plate and dumped an entire glass of ice water directly into my lap.

Embarassing. But I like to think I helped that poor guy, in that everyone in the restaurant turning to look at me and laughing HAD to have broken the tension of that moment. I have to say the guy handled it pretty well, but man, is that kid going to turn out to be the "I Win" guy!